On the 27th April this year I lost a close friend. She was a year and three days older than me and she died a month before her 47th Birthday. I attended her funeral, even did a tribute, but I have, as yet, shed very few tears. I am still in shock that her death was so sudden, if expected and still can’t believe she’s gone. I hadn’t seen her for a long time but I spoke to her most nights on the phone and eight days after she told me she was dying she was gone. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, I avoided it and now it’s too late.
Tonight watching Holby City I witnessed the death of a fictional character in the drama and I cried, I cried a lot. Why was it okay for me to cry like this for a fictional character yet not shed a tear about my friend. Shouldn’t it be the other way round? Was this some kind of displaced grief? Was it safer to mourn the death of a stranger than a close friend?
My friend has made me question life. How is it possible to be here one day and gone the next. What are we here for? What’s the point? As yet I haven’t found the answers and I still sit in a daze that my friend has really gone, there will be no more pot noodle for breakfast or late night phone calls. She is gone, she is gone, she is gone and I guess I must go on…………………………I miss her!!!!