The events of the past day or so have left me reeling. I have even turned to drink after nearly five years of relative sobriety. I never thought that it would come to this. I never thought that the UK would be so short sighted. We are truly mushrooms, kept in the dark and fed shit.
I’m scared. Really scared. For the first time since I was an anxiety ridden teenager growing up in the dark days of the Cold War in the 1980’s I am genuinely terrified. Back then I was an impressionable young woman terrified by the threat of nuclear war from Russia. I watched the Protect and Survive public information films with total terror. I lived with anxiety that my young life could be snuffed out at any time by nuclear war. I was so scared that I joined CND my life was blighted by the threat of annihilation.
Twenty years later I watched in horror as the planes crashed into the Twin Towers and I feared that life would never be the same again. The anxiety of my youth which had finally faded somewhere between growing up and moving on had returned. On September 11th 2001 I was due to attend a counselling session. This was part of an ongoing plan to assist with my depression. I remember thinking that life would never be the same again and spent the whole of my session talking about the event. The world didn’t end but was forever changed.
Over the last few months I have watched in horror as people are set against each other to divert attention from those who are really corrupt namely the establishment and the government and I have been concerned if not outraged at the evil rhetoric spouted by the government and the press about immigrants and benefit claimants.
America seem on a collision course to elect Trump as President and it is truly terrifying. Then came the shootings in Orlando in a Gay club. Things were hotting up becoming ever closer to home. Then last week Jo Cox was murdered and I am truly afraid again. I am afraid for all of us, fighting amongst ourselves destroying our own. Life will never be the same again.
I would like to think we will learn from this ,I fear we will not. I pray for the strength to live in peace and tolerate our enemies so that it becomes the politics of love not hate. I am a Christian and I seek the strength of my beliefs to share love not hate so that I am not frightened anymore.
i will pray because I believe in prayer and I don’t know what else to do…………..I wish us all peace and love, we need it now.
I am angry. Angry that all my time is been taken up. Angry that Europe is everywhere. We can’t turn around at the moment without being bombarded from all angles. Whether it’s the EU Referrendum debate or the European Football Championships it’s all that seems to be on the telly and in the press.
I made my mind up a long time ago that I would vote to remain in the EU and no amount of scare tactics can get me to vote Brexit. In my mind it’s a no brainier . Granted I do find it difficult to realise that I am on the same side, supposedly, as a man I hate with a passion but I know it’s the right thing to do for me and my family. However I truly fear that we will not win this referendum. Today’s society is too full of selfish small minded individuals who buy in to the media hype. It is the very people who have been helped by the EU that are shouting the loudest about wanting to leave. These people are the foot soldiers that voted the right wing Tories in people with ideas above their station. People who believe that big business and banking success will somehow be shared with them as long as they ar good peasants and vote leave. To quote from Brassed Off “born bastards stay bastards”.
I feel that Dodgy Dave is not worried in the slightest about the result of the Referrendum. In or out PM or otherwise he will still be filthy rich nothing will change its win win for him. But for us the result is vital. We need to think about our vote, we need to use our vote wisely. Immigration, now there’s a thing. I’m Welsh and for years we have had our way of life changed and our resources stretched by mass migration from England to Wales. Rhyl was once described as a shit hole. A result of dumping lots of people with social problems in a small seaside tourist town with a seasonal economy. Powder keg. Where were these foot soldiers then? Buying our bungalows using our social services and our nhs. Cos it’s okay for them to do this NOT!!!
Please think about your children and the next generation.
Wales is stronger in Europe both the EU and the football
Today is your official birthday
you chose to wear vivid green
we really couldn’t miss you
That colour was worn to be seen
Your soldiers marched so smartly
in their tunics of bright red
Im sure that you would rather
Have just had a cup of tea in bed
Its not that I’m a republican
I’m not against your clan
But really Phil The Greek
what did you ever see in that man
He’s a miserable old bastard
A bigot and a racist too
In diplomacy and tact
He hasn’t a fucking clue
But all in all I like you
You’re not a bad old dear
Now where’s my OBE?
Ah well , maybe next year
Come to my side
Oh sweet restorer of my soul
Early morning dawn approaching
Sleep is my only goal
Mind is racing
Bring to me
The sleep of the dead
Come to me now
As I bitterly weep
For I am lost
And in such pain
Bring me sleep
Make me whole again
On the 27th April this year I lost a close friend. She was a year and three days older than me and she died a month before her 47th Birthday. I attended her funeral, even did a tribute, but I have, as yet, shed very few tears. I am still in shock that her death was so sudden, if expected and still can’t believe she’s gone. I hadn’t seen her for a long time but I spoke to her most nights on the phone and eight days after she told me she was dying she was gone. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, I avoided it and now it’s too late.
Tonight watching Holby City I witnessed the death of a fictional character in the drama and I cried, I cried a lot. Why was it okay for me to cry like this for a fictional character yet not shed a tear about my friend. Shouldn’t it be the other way round? Was this some kind of displaced grief? Was it safer to mourn the death of a stranger than a close friend?
My friend has made me question life. How is it possible to be here one day and gone the next. What are we here for? What’s the point? As yet I haven’t found the answers and I still sit in a daze that my friend has really gone, there will be no more pot noodle for breakfast or late night phone calls. She is gone, she is gone, she is gone and I guess I must go on…………………………I miss her!!!!